I guess the title is overstating it to some degree, but I hope you get my point. 6 kids meet for the first time, and nobody got hurt...they even like each other!
You may need to sit down.
I know many of you have asked about when our 4 bios met our 2 Chinese kiddos, and you've largely been met with silence on our part. I just felt like we needed some time...some private family time...I trust you'll understand. I've even had quite a few people asking me to see a video of them meeting. Not gonna happen. The paparazzi had the day off...plain and simple. Mom and dad reunited with their beautiful children who'd they so desperately missed, siblings met for the first time, Chinese children tried to not freak out when brothers and sisters got all up in their grill, emotions were high, and Chinese kiddos tried to understand that they would have to share mommy and daddy...with 4 more! No videos. No pictures. No specifics. Just our memories. Thanks for understanding.
OH WAIT. I will take the liberty to throw my eldest son under the bus right now though...as he decided he didn't want to miss youth group at church for our homecoming. Are you kidding me?!?!? And don't get all spiritual on me and praise his dedication and devotion...I'm sure there was food involved...or friends...or xbox...something. No biggie, son...we were only in CHINA...for almost 2 WEEKS! OK...now I'm done with specifics.
Zane and Zoe warmed up pretty quickly to our kids with Ty being the running fave initially...maybe it's because he's closest to their size...or maybe because he was willing to chase Zane around the house...which Mr. Z never tired of...which baffled Ty...and so on...
The hardest thing for our kids was the Z's not jumping into their waiting arms. We've known about them for a year and have been processing it for that long. Zane and Zoe have known far less and, even then, only able to process it with their 3 yr. old minds/hearts. It's just hard on the older kids who've given so much of their heart and personal convenience to feel somewhat rejected at times. As I write this, we are almost 1 week post-arrival, and things have vastly improved in this area.
I mentioned in previous posts that a terrible stomach virus has been going through our family since we returned home. At first, everyone blamed me for bringing it home, but now it seems Peyton may have been the first in our family, catching it from school...one by one, family members went down. Bryce, myself (although I had it in China), and the "twins" are the only ones left unscathed...Chris' mom wasn't even able to leave town when she'd planned because of the virus...nasty stuff. Consequently, the first 4 days of the kids being here is basically a blur...between the jet lag for us and the twins, sleep deprivation, and this virus...it's a wash. That reminds me...I should do laundry...
Thursday night Zane was up at 1:15 am, and I wrestled him off and on all night to get back to sleep. The next night it was 3:30 am, and Chris had the graveyard shift...never did get him back to sleep. (Chris slept on the floor in their room both of those nights.) Saturday night, I slept on the floor in their room so Chris would be rested for church...I got up with them 6 times. Bru-tal.
Hence the title...survival wasn't the initial objective...it quickly became the primary focus. A friend told me to expect 1 day for every hour of time difference...that means we're about halfway through this nighttime switcheroo...I may need my old choir to come sing, "...I know that I can make it..." in full harmony to get me through this next week!!! Any volunteers??? :)
I finally got out of the house Sunday afternoon during nap time to get some much needed "containment" gadgets...gates, booster chairs, monitor, etc. We just had no idea we would need this kind of stuff. I remember when my kids were 3...we had long left this stage...I was surprised to realize this stuff would be not only helpful, but necessary. Things that allowed us to sleep in our own bed, not feel the need to be a human booster, go through rolls of paper towels as bibs, and not be running upstairs and down to constantly check on the babies...these gadgets have started to restore whatever meager level of sanity I had to begin with!
Interestingly enough, Zoe has turned a corner somewhat since Saturday evening. It is likely the new medicine that is reducing the fluid around her heart, that's relieving that massive pressure. Saturday afternoon, she actually let me put her down for several hours while she played with some stackable cups and bowls. It was amazing. Obviously, it's not that I don't want to hold her and play with her...it's just difficult to function normally and do routine things around the house while holding her in a specific way...which is what I've been doing since our Gotcha Day! Auntie NeNe was here during church (since all my helpers had the flu), and I was even able to use the restroom and the like without meltdowns! Definite progress! She still has an enormous battle to fight, but it's been such sweet fun to hear her laughing and see her playing on her own.
Zane has also been teaching us some things about himself. We thought we had him figured out...including ways he'd react when not getting his way. That's why, when we started getting a fight from him about going to bed, we stayed firm. He started to be so angry when he was put to bed...screaming and shaking, even...I'd stroke his head and sing, trying to calm him down...nothing. Then I noticed he was staring at a sound machine I'd purchased that played music and showed a moving projection on the ceiling...kind of like a mobile. I had picked it up to shine the projection above him so he could see it better...he just about went through the roof! I quickly turned off the projection, then realized he didn't want it at all. When I took it out of the room, he stopped screaming immediately. Wow...wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it. The next day for nap time, I turned the ceiling fan on low again to circulate the air. This time I recognized the wailing and immediately set about finding out what was scaring him...culprit: the ceiling fan. Poor little guy...stuck with Mother of the Year.
We still have a long way to go with regard to communication, but we are taking baby steps. I can tell they understand what I'm saying because they generally do it. I, however, remain clueless as to what they are asking of me...usually over and over again. For instance, after snack time today, Zoe wanted me to carry her over to the freezer and open it. I did. She didn't want anything so I shut the freezer. Not a happy camper. So then we spend the next 20 minutes trying to calm back down. That pretty much sums up my days lately...trying to keep her calm, carrying her all over, and trying to entertain Zane as well...who is finding that he doesn't like that Zoe wants to be held all the time! "Enough already!", he seems to be saying. If you were to come in my house, you would be horrified! We haven't even been able to unpack from China or get the house in order...or even clean anything as it's all I can do to clean up after meals before she's ready for momma again.
They seem to understand that we're a family now...at least to some degree...that makes my heart sing.
I've had so many people ask about helping in various ways, for which we are grateful. Unfortunately, there's very little I can accept. We've been advised not to go out into public very much and not to have a bunch of people in our home as well. This is to help in the attachment/bonding facet of our adoption. The kids have had so many different caregivers during their short 3 years. It's very confusing for them to figure out who's providing for them now. I even had to hand them their food when Mrs. Carr was still here so they could begin to build that trust between parent and child with which our bios are born. Trust me, I'd much rather have company of friends during the day or go out running errands...or go to church...after all, that's what I did with my other 4! But even though I can't understand all the scientific lingo and philosophies, I will trust that God will continue to give us wisdom about what's ok at what stage for our little family.
Thank you so much for your continued love and prayers.
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