"HEY, BLOCKHEAD!"

We're back...back to the same place I so often visit...the land of what-if's and shaky faith. I'm pretty sure I own a vacation condo here.

I mentioned setbacks in the last post, but I omitted the overwhelming doubt with which the enemy began to flood my heart.

"...maybe we are making a mistake...maybe it's not supposed to happen...are we really prepared to deal with everything this means for our family...what if they don't even like us..."

I could go on...I could add an unlimited supply of doubt-filled thoughts...but it all amounts to one reality.

Fear.

Fear of the unknown...fear of the responsibility...fear of the life-threatening conditions and procedures that lie ahead. Then the enemy steps in and seizes the opportunity that my doubt and fear provide, and he creates a crushing weight  that he dumps straight onto my shoulders.  It's hard to breathe...it's difficult to move...it's almost impossible to look up.

I say "almost impossible" because all along the Almighty One never left...He's right beside me, and without having to lift a finger, He lifts the burden...and then He lifts my gaze to His...and then He says, "Just hang on...to me..!"

This past Monday, we had some new friends come for dinner.  These friends have been living in China for several years and have been studying the language. Fluent...that's the word you're looking for. They were willing and excited to come share some of their knowledge with our family.

God did this...right in the midst of my despair.

We sat for quite a while, going through common words/phrases that our two kiddos are used to hearing and will likely be speaking themselves...all so we will be able to communicate immediately with these two precious children.

What a gift.

It was overwhelming...in an amazingly awesome way. Almost immediately, Chinese words were flying around our kitchen table. Things like..."momma, daddy, tired, hungry, banana, little sister, pain, noodles..."

I could barely keep the tears at bay as God said, "See? I'm right here! Don't forget! I started this...I compelled you to do this...I'm still in control...I will give you all you need to love these children as much as I do."

The breathing comes much easier...the sleep, much deeper...and the trust, well, much sweeter.

OH...forgot to mention my favorite new Chinese phrase that we were taught...
"I love you...Jesus loves you."

I plan on using that one the most of all.