"Called to be a widow"

Spoiler alert: if you are following this blog solely for adoption updates, go ahead and click away! We'll catch ya next time...it's fine...really. :)

I want to share with whoever cares to listen, something that the Lord plopped right in my lap a couple weeks ago at the Living Proof conference in Moline.  I've started to get bombarded with these "God-plopping moments"...those opportunities that God provides to remind me that He's keeping an eye on yours truly...I'm sure they've always been there, but I'm just now seeming to connect the dots!

I already know some of you "Beth-ites" might claim this as sacrilege, but I'm not referring to something Beth Moore said.

***insert gasp here***

Technically, I didn't initially even attend the conference because of Beth.

***double gasp***

(The following paragraph is what you consider BONUS material. If you could care less about why I went to the conference, proceed to the next paragraph.  Aren't you so touched to see how much I think of your needs?) While it's obvious to some of you, there may be a few who weren't aware that I've directed both school and church choirs for over 10 years, (It was actually quite a sad day this past October when I waved the arms that last time before moving to Iowa) and a good portion, if not all, of the choir music that I directed was either written or arranged by Travis Cottrell. I didn't start out as a groupie...we even TRIED to find some non-Travis material (just for fun :)...but I always came back time and again due to lyrical content and musical style. Well, guess who was leading worship with Ms. Moore?!? You got it.

So...I made my plans, got some wonderful roomies, and set off for Moline expecting good times and great worship. What I did not expect was to be moved so profoundly before the actual conference ever started. Some gals and I decided to attend the pre-conference put on by Lifeway called You Lead. We really felt it was an effective way to equip women to be prepared to lead other women...and so we went.

I won't go into all the thought-process that went into choosing breakout sessions...I realize there's a limit on what anyone can possibility endure...but suffice it to say, I found myself sitting on the front row of session one...alone...in a room full of other women...in an elective called Ministering to Women in Crisis with Karen Alexander Doyel.

"All of us know women who are hurting." That was the tagline for the seminar. It seemed to strike an unusually deep chord with me as my mind was flooded with the faces of sweet friends I've known just a short time...and still others I've known most of my adult life...all of whom were struggling with major trials...and all of whom who needed advice, prayer, encouragement, or simply a shoulder on which to lean.  I could fill up numerous posts with page after page of notes I took during this session on the grief process, providing support, things to do, things not to do, things to say, things not to say.

But what I want to share with you specifically is what was said when I stopped taking notes...when my pen could no longer find paper...when I couldn't fathom the words coming out of her mouth...when I felt like there was a siren going off in my heart that every woman in that room could hear.

To illustrate all of the wonderful points I mentioned above, the speaker used her own life experiences to talk about being in a time or season of crisis. (Please forgive my summary, for sake of time...and forgive my incorrect remembrance of each detail) A pastor's wife and mother of 3 boys, she loved her life and everything that it entailed. Her family was very active and full of life, and all the "boys" would often go on hiking trips and such, to bond and talk of their great Savior. One December, shortly after Christmas, they were gone on one such outing when her phone rang very late one evening. It was her youngest son, who was 17 yrs. old, saying, "MOM! Pray for dad! We think he fell...we aren't sure...I'm going for help!" Karen really wasn't that concerned because this kind of thing was always happening with her husband, but because she promised her son, she sat down to pray. As she began to pray for her husband, she felt an overwhelming urging to pray for her sons. Although she was sure they were just fine, she began to pray for them as well.

You see, as the day was ending, the 4 men were sitting around the fire talking. Their dad scooted back from the fire and walked to the pinnacle of the cliff. He stretched out his arms and said, "Look around boys! How could anyone see all this and not believe there's a God?!?" And with that, his footing gave way, and he fell 200 ft. to his death.  The boys had been staring into the fire and missed the fall but sensed something was wrong when he said nothing else. They jumped up after realizing he was gone and while yelling at the youngest brother to go for help, the older boys basically dove right off the edge after their dad. A tree branch caught the first...the first caught the second...and there they hung on, hovering over their sweet daddy, waiting for rescue...as their mother unknowingly prayed for their safety from her kitchen chair.

Now I know you want more detail...I know you want to hear the entire story...but I need you to hear her point for sharing this so I'll move on for now. Suffice it to say, you could hear a pin drop in that room...every woman dumbfounded by the example of grace and perseverance standing before them. I will tell you that both boys were rescued and and brought back to their mother, and they all...each one of them...continue to speak of God's faithfulness and compassion in the midst of all of life's circumstances.  Karen also spoke of the TWO stage 4 cancers that she is currently living with and receiving treatment for.  Her oldest son was also diagnosed with cancer.  C'mon now...can't a girl catch a break?!? If anyone had a right to say, "That's it! I'm done! Life's not fair! I can't take it anymore...how can I tell this story over and over...it's too painful", it would've been her. Instead she used these experiences to teach us how to minister to others in crisis.

Even as I type these words, I feel a vice grip on my heart because I remember what she said next.

"I was CALLED to be a widow...because without me losing my wonderful husband, I would never have known my loving God the way I know Him now.  I was CALLED to cancer...I didn't GET cancer...because without it, I wouldn't know my wonderful Jesus as intimately as I do now...and so I'm grateful...Knowing that, I wouldn't ask for my husband back even one day. It just isn't worth giving that up..."

Swallow. Breathe. Don't run out.  These were the things I had to tell myself in that moment to keep it together. Even as I told my own wonderful husband a few days later, convicting tears poured down my face. "I just don't think I could ever get to that point", I told Chris.  Truthfully, even as I've typed these words to share with you, I've had to stop multiple times to wipe the tears so I could see the keyboard.

To love Christ so deeply that I would ever stop begging Him to give me back my husband? I can't imagine...oh my faith is so weak, my loyalty so fleeting, my endurance so frail. And yet, this is the kind of passion that Christ desires in us...in me. To love Him...to desire Him...above all else.

In Phillippians 3, the apostle Paul wrote, "...I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection..." I think this is what Karen must have meant...it must be what she has grounded her life upon...that knowing Christ surpassed every other earthly pleasure we could imagine.

I want to know Christ. He said himself we were all "called to suffer" for His Name. I want to suffer well. "I believe. Lord help my unbelief!"

And her answer to how to minister to women in crisis?

"As you know God as you've never known Him before, you'll be able to minister to women in crisis like you've never done before." And she did.