Now That's a Mom...

On the flip side of my last post, we also saw the underbelly of the PICU life at times. 

I want to stress that the majority of our memories would be those of constant encouragement from every angle possible. But I wanted to give just a small amount of latitude to one of those "down" moments.  My goal is not to offend anyone, but to cause some introspection. 

As is the nature of the beast, we saw familiar faces daily...those whose head nods would speak volumes.  But there was also a daily influx of new faces with new stories that brought with them new heart aches.

It was one such person that caught my attention late one evening. As I sat down for a breather in the family lounge, I caught the tail end of her story. In hushed tones, she explained the state of their special patient. It seemed from the weary expressions and vocab that this PICU visit was another one of the surprises I've mentioned previously.

"...and this entire time, that mother has stayed right by her side...not leaving for one second...refusing to leave with any other family members...NOW THAT'S A MOM!"

I'm confident that this gal thought very highly of this mother, as did all the other gals seated around that table...or at least they seemed to affirm as such with their head nods and nonverbal acknowledgment.

It struck me as...off...as if implying the opposite would also be true...mom takes a break=not a good mom.

Granted these are extreme circumstances we're talking...parents aren't thinking straight...emotions run high. But can I humbly suggest that sometimes the most loving thing a mom (or dad) can do is step away?!? 

I'm not suggesting a shirking of responsibilities...not even hinting at a neglect of family in any way...actually not even remotely proposing the popular "Me Time." Just calm down and don't hate.

What I am suggesting is that the needs of EACH of your children are important...your relationship with your spouse is vital...your ability to think outside the PICU box is crucial for your own mental stability. In our situation with the death of Zoe, I shutter to think how much more crushing the weight would've been if I'd closed off myself from the rest of the world in order to sit at her bedside. 

Please don't misunderstand. We were there...a great deal. Our other 5 kids made significant sacrifices. Chris and I had to set personal feelings and preferences aside innumerable times. We all were sleep, exercise, and fun deprived...all for a very worthy cause...and we'd do it again. But there were times...quite a few times...when we knew it was best to just...step away. No matter what would transpire with Zoe's heart condition, we knew we would have to pick up our lives together once our PICU stay was complete...we needed to salvage our family...during, so it wouldn't collapse...after.

So if it's not straight QT, what's the DL on the whole "real mom" thing?

Love. Unconditional love. No matter what it costs. No matter what you get in return. BUT...this kind of love will look and sound as different in every momma as the DNA that runs through her veins. 

Remember a key life lesson we pass on to our children is this..."the world does not, in fact, revolve around you." This may sound harsh to your ears...maybe this is the thing that sounds "off" to you! 

Honestly, it sounds loving to me. Because at the end of the day, I want my children to love others unconditionally too. I want them to serve others...to think of others' needs above their own. I want them to be willing and eager to figuratively...or literally...sing until their throats go raw if it provides just one person some measure of hope and comfort.

I can assure you of one thing. As amazing individuals as I know the Carr kids to be, they will not wake up on their first morning as a new parent and think, "Ok...my needs are no longer the most important anymore. It's all about you, ya little mooch." (ahem...did I say that out loud...) Yea...habits are habits.

SO...love...not proximity alone...lovingly live life together...including all the crummy moments and all the wonderful moments...all the while, putting others above yourself.

Period. 

NOW THAT'S A MOM.