Our Little Ninja Could Use Some Extra Prayer

I'll be the first to admit...the proverbial ball was dropped on this crazy ride, and since I was the once running the ball, well...let's not get bogged down in the little details.

I'm committing to posting consistent updates from here on! OK...I'm going to give it the ol' college try to stay current! Whatever, man...read away whenever a random post appears! Keeping it real.

Getting back to big Z...his next surgery and all those details really will be forthcoming in the near future, but for now, I just wanted to share some struggles that we've been having, leading up to these next steps.

Zane has been talking about Zoe and her death quite a bit over the past 6 months or so. If you know Zane well, it may surprise you to hear that he pauses long enough to have such profound conversations...in actuality, he drops these show-stopping bombs and then moves on to the typical, "Where is Dad...what's for dinner...can I watch tv...can we play the animal game"

...and on and on and on. So it really is challenging to try to navigate his true feelings and emotions concerning the whole thing. However, there is one reoccurring theme as of late, and this is where this momma could use some prayer for her little man. Here ya go...

"I don't want to be old when I die. I want to be young when I die...just like Zoe...If I don't die soon, Zoe won't recognize me in Heaven. She won't even know we we're friends...Can we reverse our age in Heaven? Can God do that so Zoe will know who I am...I hope I die in my surgery so I can go be with Zoe, and she will know who I am...I will know who Zoe is, but she won't know who I am if I don't die soon...I hope I die soon." 

Yea. I'm done. 

Then you have the following sprinkled in there: "Why did God want Zoe to be in Heaven with Him more than with me...Did it hurt Zoe when she died...I hope it doesn't hurt when I die in my surgery...What if I don't wake up from my surgery..." 

This is truly the definition of an

I. Can't. Even.

moment. 

Just so you know...we've talked through every statement when possible. We've talked about how much we'd miss him. We've talked about the glories and wonder of Heaven. We've talked about no pain and suffering and tears...all. the. things.  But the reality is...our little man is wrestling with these life and death issues in general, mixed in with still being torn up about his best friend.

He could use your extra prayer. We could use your extra prayer. He knows so many people love and pray for him. He loves that...and so do we. And we are so grateful.