Saturday, April 5, 2014

woulda…shoulda…coulda…

It's April. 

I should've been planning a birthday party…instead I took Zoe's name off the bedroom wall.

I could've been picking out princess party favors…instead I put away the rest of all traces of princesses at the house.

I would've been finding a puffy party dress for our sweet Zoe to wear…instead we took her bed out of the room she'd once shared with Zane.

Please don't confuse these actions with the much-awaited "moving on" that keeps floating around my ears. They needed to be done…whether I wanted to do them or not. Moving on, however, is way overrated. As much as you wish the grieving parents would move on, please stop suggesting that they do so. This is not helpful in any way…for you or them. It implies that there is a magical moment when this won't be the most awful thing a parent could ever experience. It also adds insult to injury by adding guilt to their already full plate of disappointment, anger, heartache, inadequacy, depression, and more.

In a few days, we will mark 10 months since Zoe's death. In the amount of time a tiny human grows inside its mommy, we've had to get adjusted to the loss of another tiny human…our human. It doesn't get worse than that…until somebody says, "Enough already. Get over it." 

We have to stop trying to push people past their pain and heartache. It's part of who they are now, and you're letting them know they're not good enough anymore…not if they have the nerve to bring their baggage with them. You're basically saying, "I'm good with part of you…the part that doesn't make me uncomfortable…but I don't really want to be around that other part. It makes me too sad. I don't like not knowing what to say, so could you stop talking about your sadness. I'll feel better then." 

Yea. That's the message you're throwing down, hoping they'll be strong enough to pick it up and swallow it…for your sake. Cut it out. For real. 

It's April. I should be planning a birthday party for our miracle baby. Instead…I'm spring-cleaning. In case you're wondering, I'm more of a party-planner than a cleaner. 

The hubs says Zoe will have the best birthday party she's ever had this year. I believe that to be true…100%…I just wish we could celebrate with her and all her heavenly homies. That's a party I could get into…

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