It's Friday...Friday...gotta get out on Friday...HaHa!!!! I have no clue what the words are to that song, but it's random memory time!!! Can I get a witness...any one else have completely random things pop into your mind...then you blurt them out...and everyone around you just stares....Yea, that's every day of my life...but I tend to be my own audience anyway...so no one throws tomatoes...cause ick...that would be such a pain to clean up. No thanks.
We had another sweet surprise on Friday...our dear friends, Jeff and Melissa (Mimi!!!) came from Indiana. We said goodbye to the real Aunt Steph and said hello to the "fake relatives," according to Bryce. Renee "Super Woman" Davis also stuck around another day...basically whenever the big wig's are telling us something, we say, "SURE...ok...." After they walk away, we simply turn to Renee, and she begins the medical interp that we're paying her the big bucks for!
Side note: Bryce announced to Jeff a couple years ago, "You're not my real uncle...I'm going to call you Mr. Anderson from now on!" Jeff replied, "Well, good...now I don't have to buy you any more birthday presents!" **Silent reflection** Bryce: "I love you, Uncle Jeff!" He ain't no dummy.
Anyway, we started early again with rounds and heard good news overall for Zoe. Her pressures looked good, the bleeding was under control, and she was getting minimal venting. Her pulse pressure was also remarkable...what her heart is doing on its own, separately from the ECMO machine. This led Dr. Turik to say, "I think we should try and wean her off ECMO today! She looks great!" Excuse me, what?!? Awesome!!! Besides the heparin issue with the bleeding/clotting, we have been dealing with the reality of the ECMO usage...use as needed but be sure not to need it for too long...it's only a temporary solution. Fan-flippin-tastic.
They finished their rounds and returned to get going around 10:15 am. They would unpack the wound, clamp off the machine, and then watch and wait for about an hour. If all her pressures looked good, and the blood work came back acceptable, they would disconnect the device...leaving some contraptions inside the heart in case something went south, and they needed to re-attach quickly. They would need to leave open her chest regardless for a couple days in order to relieve some of the pressure off the heart.
We waited outside her room, hoping to get some sense of how things were going. The room was jam-packed with 15 or so docs and nurses...all specialists. I kid you not, Chris jokingly said at one point, "How much is this little procedure going to cost with all those people in there?" He's lucky he still has his teeth. Anyway, the short version is that it didn't work. Such high hopes...dashed. They could tell by the time they got to 50%, it was not going to work...but they went ahead and pulled back to zero in order to have some sort of measurement to compare with once they were ready to try again. Unfortunately, her pressures just dropped too severely and the heart function was very weak...so back to full support, they climbed. Dr. Turik came out and said, "Well, we tried. She's just not ready. We're going to let her heart rest fully and we can try again next Tuesday." I was so bummed...Tuesday?!? This was especially concerning since one nurse said they prefer to get patients off ECMO by day 5...Tuesday would be day 6. Regardless of my misgivings, that was still the best thing for her overworked heart. Later, we were updated that they spoke after we left and decided that they would attempt to dial back ECMO a little bit periodically over the weekend in preparation for Tuesday's re-do trial.
We tried to regroup quickly and made some impromptu plans to head back into town to watch Landry's 8th grade graduation. I'm really grateful we didn't have to miss it...she even sang a solo with the choir...and sang beautifully, of course. She also got the Presidential Academic Award...so proud of how hard she works at school. So thankful for the aunts, real and fake...that made our attendance possible! :)
We'd driven home separately so I could get back as soon as possible with the girls while Daddy stayed home while the boys had their practices...then they drove back to the hospital later that night.
We had quite an emotional night with the kids and Zoe. I never let Zane all the way into Zoe's room...so he wouldn't get scared...but it was time to let the other kiddos spend a little time with her. They'd covered up her chest...baby steps...and the girls and I went in first. They actually handled it well...as good as anyone could. I just cannot convey in words what it's like to remember someone chasingyou around the house and then to see them like this...sedated, vented, and paralyzed. It's hard core stuff. So why do it? Because their imagination...much like their mother...is far worse than the reality. So we took some time with each one...going through every tube, wire, and gadget. In the end, it was a wise move. By taking out the mystery, we also took out the uncertainty and doubt that was consuming most of them. We are establishing our new "normal."
My favorite part...by far...was singing to Zoe with my girls. We sang some of Zoe's favorites...then we sang the song we've sung together at various occasions called, Joyfully, by Kari Jobe. Zoe liked it...I could tell. And it reminded me, yet again, that nothing is too big for the Ultimate Healer...and I've always got a reason to sing out praises to Him.
You lead me by the water still
You lay me down to rest upon your faithfulness
My Shepherd, gently take my hand
Your song restores my soul
For Your name, it makes me whole
Joyfully, I lift my voice in praise to thee
With Heaven watching over me, I raise my hands up high
Your majesty, gently washes over me
Makes my heart begin to sing, joyfully
I will sing...from the mountain top
I will sing...I am overcome
I will sing...making melody
I will sing...from the valley low
I will sing...because of Your love
I will sing...You're my King...I will sing
Praying, praying, praying.
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