Hello world. Long-lost pals. Persons who accidentally clicked on the bright, shiny link. Welcome.
There are sooooo many things/events that need updating from the Carr Ride, but I'm going to move off the beaten path once again. As these fingers reunite with the keyboard, I feel compelled to address an overall struggle for yours truly these past few months...ok, real talk...more like past several years. In full disclosure, I started this post literally TWO YEARS AGO, and man, oh man...I was getting hit on all sides by the master manipulator so I gave up and set it aside, convinced of all the things I am acknowledging today as false. Yet you see who came out on top that day.
*crickets*
My initial compulsion to share some thoughts on this topic stemmed from our preaching series at the time about the body of Christ and, specifically, the local church. Once the PASTOR (you know who you are) literally called me on the carpet in one of those sermons, I thought it was time.
SIDEBAR: Yes, I've been mulling over this for a while. Sermon points that are directly pointed at spouses should not be allowed. Ok, Chris Carr...I see you. Sheesh. If hash tags were fitting in a blog post, you might insert these here: #stepoffpreacher #spousalprivilege #lifelongsermonillustration
Getting back to the matter at hand, the simple and specific gut check was this: every member of the body of Christ is indispensable. It's not as though 1 Corinthians 12 was eye-opening news to me, at the time. But truthfully, it is something I've been struggling with over the past several years or so.
Thoughts like these have been rolling through my mind:
What do I have to offer now...
Nobody wants to hear anything I have to say...
Where's my place in the church...
The stuff I've always been "good at" are no longer being used...
Where do I fit in...
And, again...I seem to have nothing to offer.
But WAIT...aren't you the PASTOR'S WIFE?!? Yep! Aren't you a PK too? For sure. Is life still full of heartache and struggles and confusion? Absolutely.
Honestly, I hesitate to even go there because I have found over the years that people aren't always comfortable hearing the truth. But why...why do we WANT to wrestle with grief, fight with our own sins, struggle with relationships, isolate ourselves in the midst of heartache?!? How is this the way we choose to live when we call the Creator of the universe our Abba Father? When the very One who holds our lives in His hands commanded us to live in communion with one another, why do we choose to walk alone through heartache...as if it's a badge of honor to do so. I submit a couple well-known passages of Scripture for your memory verse attention. :)
Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"
James 5:14-16 "Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
(Bonus points for checking these out as well...Romans 12: 4-5, Romans 15:5-6, Galatians 6:2, Colossians 3:16, Hebrews 3:13, Hebrews 10: 23-24, 1 Peter 4:8, 1 John 4:11-12)
So I'm here for the yuck. I'm here for the shock. I'm here to be the first step-taker.
Back to the matter at hand...I'm here to say it's sometimes difficult to just keep taking up space. It's difficult to not feel as though there's a place for you. I'm here to admit that just because you're gifted in a certain way does not always mean there will be someone to acknowledge that gifting or recognize any way that you can use that gift for the Kingdom of God.
*deep breaths...you good?
Lest you think the entire gist of this post is to vent frustration, let me bring this home with some personal realizations that the Spirit has graciously given me over the course of this past year or so. First of all, I totally STINK at all the things I've been pressing your way this entire time...like, I am legit the worst offender when it comes to baring my soul and inviting others to walk in the Eva-mire. I feel like that must be said as my close friends and family will 100% call me on it anyway...so there's that. Secondly, there have been some pretty dark and discouraging days as I've wrestled with the lies of Satan that the few ways I've always served the church/others were the only places God could ever use me. But, most importantly, I'm beginning to see that there are seasons of ministry, just as there are seasons to every other facet of our lives. There are areas that I've begun to tiptoe into now that I simply could not have approached 10-15 years ago. So while I somewhat "grieve" the perceived loss of previous opportunities, I am so greatly encouraged, to the point of overwhelming promise, about what lies ahead. Maybe that's the reason God allowed me to wrestle with the yuck for the past couple years...so I'd see His hand and trust His heart in what I thought I was doing for Him all along.
So thankful that you've hung in there with me through this long process, and I pray for you to also trust that God is able, and desiring, to use you right where you are...not where you were 10 years ago...or even last year...but right where you are, right now. Maybe we need to stop trying to force God's hand...stop trying to shove Him into the ministry box that we've created...stop wishing away for the good ol' days. Hang on...that may all just be me. Or maybe not.
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