June 7th...1 year anniversary

I've been sitting on this post for 6 months. Some ideas need marination. Although you might not be ready to read it...I'm ready to share it.

May you appreciate the power of a dream...whether it's the dream you've always dreamed or the dream you've been given by a God who knows what you need more than you know yourself.


I dreamed a dream. That infamous song haunts me with images from the musical itself and of dreams that have been loved and lost. As the anniversary of Zoe's death hit me like a Mac truck, I found myself entranced with my very own version of the Les Mis classic, not too different than the original:

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving


It went something like this:


I dreamed a dream of pink tutus and ballet slippers...now the color pink makes me nauseas. 

I dreamed a dream of my sweet angel singing about her love for her Savior...now the only sound of her sweet voice is the one recording of Jesus Loves Me.

I dreamed a dream of snuggles and eskimo kisses...now I sit alone on the couch, my arms empty.

I dreamed a dream of healing where you would be a testimony of God's amazing power...now I'm forced to be the testimony of His sustaining grace.

I dreamed a dream where every new morning brought refreshing breath to fill my lungs...now every breath is taken with pain and suffering.

I dreamed a dream where I'd find you curled up in a cozy bed...now I only find your memory under a cold slab.

I dreamed a dream where I move through the day with purpose and conviction...now I float aimlessly, wondering as I wander.

I dreamed a dream of hair bows and frilly dresses....now they're packed away and hidden from view.

I dreamed a dream of sparkles and glitter...now the world seems dull and drab.

I dreamed a dream of tickles and giggles...now I feel guilty when I've had a good gut laugh. 

I dreamed a dream where hundreds, even thousands, of orphans would find their forever families after people heard your story...now I wonder if parents will be too afraid of the pain to answer the call.

I dreamed a dream of prom dresses, wedding dresses, maternity dresses...now I'm left with the image of your final wardrobe.

I dreamed a dream of long life...now I'm confronted with a very, very short life.

I dreamed a dream that we would have the privilege of sharing the story of God's miraculous healing power...now we carry the weight of sharing how God did heal Zoe by bring her to Himself in the ultimate healing.

I dreamed a dream that the best for Zoe would also be what we desired...now we know that the best thing for Zoe was to curl up in the arms of Christ, instead of the arms of her Mama.

Yet, as the words of that song haunt my mind, I'm stunned to find comfort in the midst of such sorrow...here's why: 

Hope is still high. Life is still worth living. Love will never die. And God will ALWAYS be forgiving. 

So. Very. Grateful.


I dreamed a dream that adoption would change our lives forever...that dream came true.