China 1

I’m sitting in the Beijing airport. It’s shocking even to hear myself say that…in spite of the fact that my weary body is well aware that it left home roughly 36 hours ago…I’m sure it’s even more shocking for you to read!

As always, I’m a bit behind on things I’d want to share with you…another shocker.  Right?!? You are shocked by that, right? Crud. I’ve not been fooling any of you all these years?!?! Ah well…ya got me.  Regardless, I wanted to share with you what’s been happening these last couple of weeks since we last left our heroes. 

This is totally not what I’d plan to share, but it’s just too awesome.  Once again, our children provide us with unmatchable entertainment. Several times over this past week, we’ve had some gut-laughing moments.  We needed that. Maybe you do too…so here are just a few…

An angel gave us what I like to call “a little slice of heaven”…better known as a Red Lobster gift card.  Oh my…can you say,  “love language”? We hadn’t intentionally been saving it, but I’m so glad our schedules have been way too busy to put it to good use until now!  Between our awesome bball team returning to the State Tourney once again in Des Moines (even wearing my Danville shirt as we speak…IN CHINA…everybody knows the BEARS!) and stinkin’ snowstorms, (you heard me…no love loss there) the school schedule was significantly altered.  This was both irritating and welcoming the week leading up to our departure for China.  Irritating, because I felt like I couldn’t get anything done in between entertaining the kids and breaking up fights between them…and me…and the dog.  Welcoming, because we got unexpected time with our 4 kiddos before hitting the air to bring back 2 more! 

1) Anyway, as I said, we didn’t plan any of these things but were grateful for them in the end.  Names are once again withheld to protect the guilty. J  As we ordered at Red Lobster, one child asked, “Are the orange wedges just like potato wedges?” Silence. Then the waiter said, “They’re just like…orange wedges.” Listen…no one has ever accused our family of ooey-gooey-ness, but the sarcasm and mockery that began was pretty heavy even for our family!!! WE DIED LAUGHING! It was in a word…awesome. C’mon…ya gotta admit…funny stuff.  The waiter then took extra liberty in adding to the mockery…again…more awesomeness. When another child ordered a baked potato, he replied, “Is that like…a potato?” Terrible, awful man…how dare he? J

2) Our kids have all wanted to come to China with us to get their siblings but were told it just wasn’t going to be possible. In his disgust, Ty said, “Well then, can you get me one of those shirts that says, ‘My parents went to China, and all I got was this stupid shirt’!” I promised to do my best.

3) As independent as our children are, I found them to be quite clingy and questioning several days before we left.  When Chris was explaining the flight plan, which included flying over Canada and  “…flying over the north pole…” one of the kids burst out, “Oh my word!!! You have to take lots of pictures!!!”  More sarcasm…more mockery.

Like I said, we’ve done some good memory-making these past few days…very grateful for that.

I thought I’d take you through the last several weeks in order to better explain at least my frame of mind as I enter this next phase of the journey.  Although we had been hoping for quite some time that mountains would be moved, and this process would speed up in unexplainable ways, we were taken completely by surprise how that actually went down.  We’ve been working diligently to get paperwork, remodeling, and planning completed so we would be “ready” to bring the kids home.  I had even spent the day before in Iowa City with my wonderful friend, Michelle…shopping and doctor visiting. I had finally gotten into a specialist concerning some “unfinished business” concerning my former health issues from Indiana.  It wasn’t anything serious…just something I needed to take care of before I was caring for 2 toddlers! SO…after 4 months of waiting, I met with the doctor, scheduled what needed to be done, and informed them that the clock was ticking on my freedom…especially considering the exercise and traveling restrictions they would impose.  I even flippantly said, “Unless they call me tomorrow, we will be fine!!!” Figures.

You guessed it…bright and early the following morning, I got the phone call.  The voice on the other end said, “Mrs. Carr, I have your travel approval!” I sat there in initial shock. Obviously, this was fantastic news, but what came next was even more shocking. “You leave in 2 weeks!!!  They are expediting your case, and it’s happening very quickly!!”  BEST case scenario was traveling within 3-4 weeks…never 2! As I hung up the phone, my heart started pounding. I began to think about all the obstacles and wondered how in the world we could pull this off. I thought of my procedure that would now have to be put off for 3 months at best. My eyes scanned the rubble and chaos that was once my home but had now become a remodel disaster zone. Our kids’ schedules had to be organized. I even had to cancel a procedure for our DOG! Good grief.

I called Chris to share the good news but sounded like somebody had shot my dog and beat up my grandmother! (Have the first…he’s completely fine…don’t have the second…so calm it down.) It was obviously so incredible…yet given the issues I mentioned above, it was unbelievably overwhelming. I couldn’t keep the tears at bay…something I’ve prided myself in on many other occasions.  You name the emotion, it hit me that morning. We. Were. Not. Ready…It. Was. Not. Time.

Terrified. That pretty much sums it up…and quite frankly, the same word still applies. I couldn’t even put two words together, let alone get my act together.  Once again, Michelle the Mighty swoops in to save the day! Have I mentioned how I think she’s Super Woman?!? Well, have no fear…MM is here! (that’s not to be confused with M&M’s…which are a personal favorite…but stay focused here) She sent me a text that said, “I’m on my way.” Short and sweet. That’s all I could process anyway…and that’s what she did…just kept coming over…along with some other wonderful friends who helped in some way…work or kids or both…all Super Women to me…Nichole, Shelli, Jodi, Liz, Wendy, Carrie P., Brandy, Debbie, Chris, and Donna. Should also mention Carrie Y. and Megan, who also tried to help but my schedule just didn’t line up with theirs. Sooo unbelievably grateful for their clear-headed and generous spirit that they gave so willingly in our time of need.

At the same time, I received word that yet again, our sweet Zoe had been admitted to the hospital.  The next day, we were told that was a mistake. It was a different girl. Of course, we’d already been told that Zoe was the only girl in the orphanage. Confused yet?  It went back and forth for several days…loads of uncertainty, heaps of fear, mountains of questions…finally arriving to the point at which we began…her weakness and time being a major issue.

During the same 2 weeks…are you feeling me yet…I had a dear friend from Indiana diagnosed with acute leukemia.  She was hospitalized almost immediately and given the first dosage of chemo treatments. I knew that if I didn’t go now, I wouldn’t have any opportunity to visit and encourage her once the kiddos were with us. So, in the midst of mayhem, Peyton and I (we were the only ones with a clear-ish schedule) traveled to Indiana where we spent time with family, visited Denise in the hospital (where we once again proved that laughter truly is the best medicine J), went to another dear friend’s baby shower and celebrated another beautiful life, saw wonderful friends at Bethel, and rushed back home.

These past 2 weeks have been insane…most nights I finally laid my head on my pillow around 3 am…ate junk…drank DP round the clock…skipped my much-loved workouts…painted…organized…refereed and navigated through the high levels of emotion…and leapt tall buildings in a single bound.  I realized how out of control I was when Chris was concerned about the fact that our visas hadn’t come 2 days before departure and things of that critical nature…I was scouring the city to find the right shower curtain for the kids’ bathroom.  Yea. When MM (J) saw I was losing my grip…whatever feeble one I had to begin with…she forced me to make a list to leave with her of things left undone and gave me the gift of  “walking away.”  At this point, I have no idea what will be done when we return…and it really doesn’t matter…anything will be a bonus…so I’m resting in that.  For reals. 

Now almost exactly one year since this journey began, we sit here…in China…one short flight…just a breath of 15 hours away from holding our sweet babies. We have been chosen for a time such as this…we may never understand why…we just choose to humbly follow as we’ve been led…and will be forever grateful to have traveled this amazing journey.

The night I first heard my sweet angel's voice

I thought I'd take the opportunity to tell you about a special time we had with our babies a couple weeks ago...before the news of our long-awaited trip overshadows these precious moments.  As you know, we've had the incredible privilege of talking to our kiddos via Skype.  I cannot even put into words what an enormous blessing this has been to our family.  We have not taken that for granted. This 3rd visit was extra special because our new friend, Rebekah, was back visiting our babies at Swallow's Nest...so we were able to spend some time with her as well!

Rebekah shared with us that Zoe wanted to make sure her hair looked pretty for momma so she fixed it for her...gulp...I had to take a minute here.

I'm not sure if she just felt really comfortable with her big girlfriend there :) ...or if she truly has warmed up to her new family...but out of nowhere, we heard her tiny, sweet voice say, "Hi mommy...I love you!" I melted. Oh my goodness...seriously. How are you not losing it?!? 

Not to be outdone, Zane was being his goofy self, rarely sitting still for more than 60 seconds. Honestly, you just can't help but smile when you're watching this little dude. He is stinkin hilarious.    At one point, we noticed he was sticking his tongue out...so being the more mature one on our end, I did the same.  You can imagine the joy that gave him! :) Next thing you know, Zoe's "politely" sticking hers out! So cute...until you get home...then no more tongue sticking out. Just saying....

We loved having Rebekah there interpreting for us and began to wonder just how this whole communicating thing was gonna go down once we are face-to-face. BUT...let's just stick with our cute little "interview." 

We asked if they've been using their new names...apparently we chose the one letter the Chinese struggle to say..."Z". Super.

We found out that our mutual friend taught the Z's their abc's and counting 1-10 last year...I'd say that's a pretty good start!

We found out...under no uncertain terms...that Zane is not going to miss lunch...no matter what...another reason why he'll fit in just fine around this house. He didn't want to leave our conversation...but the food was too enticing.  I feel ya, buddy.

We also found out that Zane has a feisty nature too...if he finds himself in an altercation with another little person, he's been known to respond with a smart aleck, "well...I have a mom and dad!" Oh my. Listen little buddy...you can get away with that in China...it's against the law in the United States.

When Zoe saw Peyton in the background, she said, "Hi, big sister!" Peyton hasn't stopped telling people about that moment. :)

Overall, it was just another sweet memory that we made with our beautiful kiddos...in which they kept asking, "When are you coming?"

We're trying...sweet ones. 

Soon...very soon.

since then..

Thought I'd add a quick addendum to update what's happening in the process.  No sappy Susie moments in this one. Step away from the kleenex.

We misunderstood again (shocker) about the exact process once our file was sent to China for good. 

We...probably should say "I"...thought that once it went to China, it would be in the hands of the powers-that-be who would give us our travel dates. Not so. Much like our government, there were multiple levels of government that had to give approval. 

However, we were told that last Monday, Feb. 4th, our Article 5...don't ask, don't know...was officially (love that word. seriously considering petitioning for its permanent removal from the English language) delivered to the CCCWA...and THESE are the people that give the go-ahead for the come-ahead. (it's late...getting slap-happy...and apparently having an affinity for the ever-popular, always misunderstood "-"!) 

Facts: 
-the CCCWA can take 3-8 weeks to give you your travel dates...then you typically go 3-4 weeks later. 
-due to Chinese New Year, all offices...in the entire country...are shut down...for 10 days.
-the CCCWA had our file for 1 business week before they shut down to celebrate.
-our case is supposedly being expedited due to ChaCha's heart condition...so it should happen sooner than 3-8 weeks.

So boys and girls, what does this mean about estimated travel dates??? Means we have no clue.

At this point, we are praying that when they reopen on February 18th, they will give us a call within a couple days. We know God can do anything! Please be praying along with us. 

The unbelievable day from 2 weeks ago...

...not to be confused with today...which was unbelievable but not in a noteworthy, or even remotely mentionable-in-public, kind of way...but I digress. Bonus word...just like that...BAM! C'mon! How often do get to use words like "digress"?!? Show of hands? Anyone? Bueller? Again...digressing...(still not smiling...wow...rough crowd...)

Anywho...I threw it out there on good ole FB that we had an incredible day that I'd update you peeps on later...just really didn't think that later would include 2 weeks worth of "bleh" before I could satisfy that ferocious appetite for all-things Carr news! Ok...even now I'm smiling...

When we last left our heroes they were remodeling attics, transferring piles of rubble from point A to point B, and generally just being all-around amazing parents, yada yada yada...:)...oh yes, and they'd just skyped with their sweet little ones so far away in China. In hindsight, we should've labeled that last post "Episode I" because that is where we find our heroes yet again...on Skype.  

Setting: Episode II...not 4 am...a more respectable 7:30 pm. Cast: Full Crew. (I need to stop the fancy talk...it's taking way too much energy...which I clearly don't have...you've met my children...)

As I said, we had our family of 6 geared up to chat with their new family members across the ocean.  This time they could hear and see us and although their picture was very blurry, we were thrilled to talk to them again. For the sake of time and my stamina level, I'll just give you the highlights!

*ChaCha and JaiHai were excited to learn they had 4 brothers/sisters instead of just 2!

*Landry and Bryce got to see and hear them as well which makes them all the more real and tangible.

*Once again, JaiHai was jabbering non-stop...which gave our entire family lots of laughs together.

*Also in keeping with our first visit, ChaCha sat quietly, watching us. Daddy said shortly into the conversation, "That little girl is going to have Bryce wrapped around her little finger!" We all know what a softie Bryce is around younger kids...especially girls!

*We asked if they knew who we were. The workers replied emphatically, "YES! They've been talking about their mom and dad and family! When they're down for the night in their beds, we hear them talking about you!" I had to take a minute here. No joke. Talking about us like, "When do you think they're going to get here? We want to go with our family!" Are you soaking this in...

*When Chris asked if they really understand what it means to have a family that's coming to get them, they told us that they definitely understand because they've had friend after friend get picked up by their forever family, never to return. This left us hopeful in their understanding of transition and sad for the friends they've lost over these 3 short years of life. 

*The workers also told us that the kids now realize that they are going to be forever brother and sister once their family comes...so they're constantly together now, choosing to do everything together. Gulp.

*They wanted to tell us something special about each child too. They said JaiHai is so helpful and looks after the other children. He really takes care of ChaCha and is always the first to jump up to help anyone in need. ChaCha is so sweet..."the perfect child"...always does exactly what she's asked to do and never gets in trouble. (We'll see how long we are able to maintain both traits!)

*I was trying to get ChaCha to say something so I asked them to ask her if she liked monkeys! I explained that we were going to do their bedroom in monkeys! Everybody got real excited, and the next thing we knew, ChaCha was holding her favorite toy...a plush monkey...squeezing it! Mind is now blown. The whole thing was unreal. I couldn't touch her, but I was telling her about her bedroom!  Then they asked, "Did you just say they would be staying in the same room?" When I said that was the plan, all we could hear was a lot of high pitched jabbering  flying around that room so far away. Apparently, they like the idea! :)

*I asked if they remembered their friend FengFeng (Caleb Kolanowski)...explaining we are good friends with his family and would be getting them together as soon as possible. Insert speed-of-light movement and more gibberish...TA DA! They whip out these t-shirts they've made for the kids to bring with them. Their picture is on the back, and the front has the pictures of all their friends, including little Caleb. Sigh.

*At various times throughout the conversation, this other little dude kept sticking his face in front of the camera and smiling. All I could think was...I wonder who the Father has for this little boy...just like he had ChaCha for us when Kenney and Laura went to get Caleb. It all started with a simple picture.

*To show how sharp JaiHai was, the translator said...and he repeated..."JaiHai, say,'I...Love...You'!" In English. To us. His family. It was almost more than I could take. We'd heard him say it before in Chinese, but to hear his little voice speak those precious words...well, it was helpful that my 4 kids...and that little dude who belongs in one of your families...kept stealing the camera time. I can't put into words what that meant to this system-weary mommy.

*I asked if they've shown the pictures I sent of each of our kids. They have them...and they love them. I sent one of Chris and I in our Iowa shirts...gotta represent! I sent one of Landry after she'd gotten her pink hair put in...I sent one of Ty with our then-puppy Tucker...I sent one of Bryce and Landry with little Caleb (bet they were a little confused with that one)...and I sent one of Peyton with her friend Mei Foster so they would see a new friend that looks like them with their new sister! :)

*Toward the very end of the conversation, I asked if they'd like to know their new names now or would it be too confusing. Again, roaring responses clearly meant, "NOW!" So we told them. More Fast talking...and lots of ooh's and aah's. Apparently they approved. :) 

So now, even before we go meet them for the first time, the workers are beginning to use their given names. To date, they have been called nicknames that represent a time and location they were born. For the first time in their life, they are being chosen, called out by name, and not abandoned. (This sounds familiar.) They are no longer searching and longing, but simply waiting. Waiting is hard. Waiting is very hard. But waiting is so much better than longing and lonely...so much sweeter than abandoned and forgotten...so much more hopeful than searching and never finding. I won't lie. I am chomping at the bit to get over there and bring them home, but God has given these amazing moments of grace that continue to remind me that we are indeed, never forsaken, never abandoned by the most incredible Love ever known. I know this was a lot to digest...imagine trying not to explode while you're on Skype (it might scare the children and all)...but I wanted to share what has made our cup overflow yet again. The blessings just keep coming...

And since I know your next question...you're so predictable...yes, I'll tell you the names. There's no turning back now...since we've told the kids themselves...but you can imagine the craziness of trying to come up with names...just think about all the rules and issues I had with all the other 4 names! So...I'll leave you with these...

Zane Christopher and Zoe Lynn.

Zane means "God is gracious."

Zoe means "Life."

Exhale.

"Mommy! Daddy! I love you!"

"Man...I'd sure like to be a fly on the wall when that whole thing goes down!" 

Most of you immediately had a sense of recognition when you read that line...probably because you've either said it yourself or had someone say it to you.  It usually involves something "juicy" or secretive that we really shouldn't know about...or else we'd just say, "Hey! I love sticky and uncomfortable situations!  Can I come?" or  "Anybody mind if I stand right here while you discuss your personal chaos?" Of course, being that direct would just not be politically correct...so we soften the edges with our "fly on the wall" comments! So sneaky...you people, you...

BUT...I wish every single one of you could have been a fly on the wall this morning at the Carr home...because I will never be able to describe for you the ecstatic joy felt in the wee small hours of January 23, 2013.

I've mentioned before all the incredible blessings God has poured over us during the entire adoption process...most of which are entirely foreign to those that has persevered through the same.  

We've got childhood pictures celebrating special occasions and everyday life...one day, (when all this mysterious "free time" occurs) I'll be gathering them together into some fabulously amazing scrapbook that will be the envy of all you...scrapper people...you know who you are...

We've made incredible connections with several wonderful people who've cared for our sweet babies ever since they were brought to the orphanage as infants.  The firsthand, personal knowledge of our children that they've shared with me is something I will always treasure.  They have literally been the hands and feet of Christ to these, and so many others, when they were outcasts and no one knew their names.  They hugged them, sang to them, told them stories about our Father, tried to comfort the tears brought on by insecurity and fear, took them on outings to the park, played with them, and done countless other unnoticed, and often unappreciated, things for the least of these. I could never run out of "thank you's" for these sweet angels.

I could add all sorts of God-moments that have blown our minds and cemented in our hearts that all of this...start to finish...is solely the work of the Sovereign One. But because you're getting impatient, and I am literally about to burst, I'll just get to it.

This morning around 4 am, the stationary became mobile...the notion became reality...the picture became people. Real, live, flesh and bone people. Approximately 11 months after this journey began, we were able to connect first-hand with our precious children so far away. I mean...seriously...are you getting this...AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Wait for it...EEEEEEKKKKKK!!! Ok...whew...I told you...bursting. 

To make a long story short, we finally connected with someone across the ocean (an American...from Texas...I know, right?!?) with a Skype account who agreed to try and make this thing happen...and it did...in all of it's awesomeness. (sorry...ran out of adjectives...that's what happens when your head has just about spun off from excitement!) Unfortunately, due to the 14 hr. time difference, and the schedule of toddlers, we had to go with 4 am. Yikes. Regardless, alarms were set...sleep taunted us...and then it was time.

I seriously about fell out of my skin when the picture came up with our "new friend," seated between our two precious little ones. But I can tell you there was no time to get sentimental because as soon as he saw our faces, Jai Hai shouted... (incidentally, so thankful for that handful of Chinese phrases our friends, Ty and Julie, taught us...because we KNEW WHAT HE WAS SAYING!!!)...so he shouted, "Mommy! Daddy! I love you!" No stinkin' way. No prompting. Just sheer happiness. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen and heard it. We were ooh-ing and aah-ing...laughing and almost crying. Then he started blowing kisses at the screen...for real. So we started blowing kisses back at him...which he loved...and he smiled and kept calling our names. When the camera was turned off of him, he hollered at us to get our attention again. He was loud and silly...not sure how he's going to fit in around here.

All the while, Cha Cha just sat there quietly...never saying a word but never taking her eyes off of us. So, so sweet and shy. She doesn't talk much, they said, but she doesn't seem to mind and is content to let her "brother" keep everyone entertained. At one point, they said, "Cha Cha, show momma your flower you picked for her!" And as if completely understanding every bit of what was happening, she gently raised her arm and held up a flower she'd been waiting to "give" me. Oh. my. heavens. Melt...

They really enjoyed seeing Peyton and Ty too...they thought Ty was older, which he loved, as you can imagine. They'll "meet" the other two another day. I've already sent a message asking for another "visit." Oh goodness...this might replace my peanut butter obsession. We better get over there quick!!!

We ended the call with a big ole drawn out kiss from Jai Hai...perfect ending to one of the most perfect moments in my life. 

I was again reminded of that song, He Knows My Name...again reminded that this was not the first time their Maker had seen them move and breathe...
again reminded that His timing and plan is always best, even when it looks like He could use a hand from me.

It was such a gift...so unheard of...so farfetched...so unlikely...unless you're God. He just seems to keep smacking us over the head with this over and over..."You have know idea what I can, and will do, for the sake of my glory and your good!" He keeps blessing...over and abundantly more than we could ever think or imagine. All glory and praise to Him.

My Toddlers Aren't Terroists...

Well...not the new ones anyway...

Thought I'd break the silence on the adoption news front since, well, there's finally something to tell!

We received word that our file has officially left the homeland security offices for another US government office. Mind-numbing hoopla. The best part of this stage...it only stays there for a few days before...well, I'm not sure you're prepared for this part...are you sitting down...have your inhalers ready...take whatever heart pill necessary...ok...are we good?!? Now where was I? Oh yes...it only stays there a few days before...

IT IS SENT OFF TO CHINA!!!!!!

And then guess what?!? More sitting down, more pills....

THEN CHINA SENDS US OUR TRAVEL DATES!!!!

Seriously...you may want to lie down now...

THEN ROUGHLY 3-4 WEEKS LATER........AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.......

WE GO GET OUR BABIES!!!!!!!!!! (who are not terrorists...it's been checked out...for real.)

Is everyone ok out there???

Brief backstory: We've had much more red tape since I last told you about the status in October. Lots of back and forth, major progress met with gridlock delays, joy suffocated in a frustration sandwich...sometimes all in one phase. For example, we thought the majority of the paperwork was finished on our end once the dossier, in all of its splendor, was sent off to China, only to be handed a Great Wall-ish amount of new paperwork to complete. Just to give you an idea of the scope and depth of the saga, one question...just one...said, "List any expenses you've had to date in the adoption process, followed by any anticipated expenses." No, I'm serious. 

So...the administrative one of us got to work again. In case you're wondering, that would not be me. I'm the trophy wife. [snicker...I make up the competition and the rules...pretty much undefeated thus far]

Then we got the big news: "You've been officially matched with your 2 children!" Excuse me, what?!? Pretty sure that'd already happened. But apparently that had been the pre-approval, and then the un-official...but now...drum roll...official. Call me negative, cynical, whatev...but I sent an email off that basically said, "Are you serious?!? What gives?!? Please let me know when to rejoice and when to just keep swimming..." (best part of my night is now you're chanting..."just keep swimming..." and you can't stop! HA! I know...somebody doesn't get out much)

One bright note is that we were allowed to send our application to Homeland Security in advance while we waited for the above official document...only to get a rejection letter because said official document wasn't included...sigh. Anyway, once we received the LSC, we sent it off the next day and began another waiting period. We gave them the week of Christmas and then got in touch with them after returning home from Indiana. 

"Agent X, who's in charge of your case, is on vacation. I'm handling her cases right now...if I could just FIND your paperwork, I could send it off today...hmmm...now where could that be..." Ok...so I added the last tidbit out of a smart aleck heart, but ACK! I didn't know what to be more aggravated with...that X left on vacation without sending our approved paperwork to China, or that said paperwork was indeed MIA. "If you can scan and email all those forms again, we will send it off today!" SO...that's what we did. Suck it up. Do what you've got to do.

I'm choosing to play the glad game, however, (thanks to my friend Charlotte who plays it WAY too frequently) because it was sent off to the next agency this past Friday as I mentioned above, and it will likely be sent to China this next week. OK...happy sigh.

And so, boys and girls, that's the story of the little engine that could. Actually, it's not really about the engine at all. The conductor's the real deal...and He knows just where we're headed...hang on!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?

Well, I haven't seen you in awhile! What's been happening? Probably same as us...nothing much.  Then why am I so tired...because as I look back over the past couple months since we've not spoken, I remember just hurrying. That pretty much sums it up. Hurry. Rush. Get there. Do that. Act happy. Now go back. Change clothes. Go do it again. Quicker. Shower-optional. Don't think. Just do. Don't show emotion. Just pretend. 

Unfortunately, after several months of that, you get to Christmas break and all the anticipated time of relaxation and refreshment with your family, and your body just starts to crash...shut down...say g'night Gracie.

You can imagine all the "Mother-of-the-Year" moments I could share from the past chaotic months. You'd feel better about yourself in just about every aspect of your life...I'd probably even laugh at myself...but we'll just save that for another day. (Hopefully, it won't be 2 more months from now, but I'm not making any promises.)

After feeling a good bit like my bosom friend, Anne, in the depths of despair, I thought it best to hash out some reflection on one simple day.  December 31st. That day reminds me in a concrete, tangible way...God truly cares about every detail, every person, every tear, every groaning.

12/31/11: We had roughly 30-40 people from our new church unloading 2 giant trucks into every crevice of our rental home in Iowa, including the outbuildings. It was so touching that so many people came to help, most of whom I'd never laid eyes on. We felt loved but also overwhelmed...in every sense of the word. 

When all was said and done, there was walking and sleeping room only throughout the entire house...I was tasked with trying to get the family "settled" in two days before school started...trying to understand how we would minister and relate to this group of people we met while standing in a box-moving assembly line...and the more pressing issue was dealing with the family relationships amidst the upheaval of all they'd ever known and the intense weeping that seemed to overtake just about every member of the family at any random moment. Overwhelmed.

It was New Years Eve. We were alone and exhausted...physically, emotionally, and mentally. Daddy said no one was staying up, especially since we had church the next day. Emotions ran wild. Overwhelmed. We were grateful to have Chris' parents with us, but when they left, the floodgates were opened. It truly makes my skin crawl just reliving that day.

12/31/12: Due to some last minute schedule changes, we found ourselves once again traveling to Iowa on this day...crazy. Obviously it was a very different trip...and not because Chris and the boys were leaving for the Iowa/Indiana basketball game as soon as we arrived home! The fear of the unknown was gone, the insecurity of home and health had been tucked away, the fatigue was a happy one. We did the things you do after a long trip...empty the vehicle, unpack suitcases, fight for the bathrooms...you know how it is.  And then came the question..."What are we going to do tonight?" Uhhh...uh-oh. We'd had one offer, but the basketball game pretty much took care of that! 

I'm so grateful that God provided us, in His wisdom, an evening to ourselves. Initially, it was another reminder of that night one year ago where we were alone. But it ended up being a night of laughter, bonding, fighting (haha...had to be honest! 6 people with their own agenda tend to do that!), and gratefulness. We had a simple dinner, played some Catch Phrase, caught a family flick, and finished up the night watching bits and pieces of musical train wrecks on the NYE tv celebrations...then laid our heads down to rest with nary a box in sight. (To clarify...still have many boxes packed...but they're out of sight!) 

Much different than 2011. No gloom and doom...only gratefulness for our family that, while far from perfect, is truly a gift from a loving Father. The same Father that is right there in the middle of our sorrow shows himself smack dab in the center of our joy. He's awesome.