October 11th-December 7th...it's been awhile

I’m coming out of hiding. I actually had intentions to continue along with the blog…sharing our daily triumphs and struggles…but when the days were more difficult to process than I could bear, I gave you the silent treatment. Sorry about that.  I’m not even big into that method of conflict resolution! Plus, you didn’t do anything to me! I was having a fight with life…you just got slammed for it. Yep. Like I said, sorry about that, you innocent bystander.

So…have I come back to life because everything’s coming up roses now? Uh, no…more like, my head (and heart) might very well explode if I don’t get some things off my chest.

Another reason for the kick in the pants is harder to swallow.  Today is the 6 month anniversary of Zoe’s death. 6 months sounds so short…and so very long. It's been an arduous summer/fall. Given the holiday season, I’ve thought about doing a Christmas letter to send out, but I’m confident it would not be the cheery update our friends and family would love to receive. I’m sure you’ve caught on by now…I’m not really the “put lipstick on a pig” kinda gal. Honesty’s the way to go. My vision is much better with the mask off. But not sure how would that letter would read...

            2013

We adopted Zane and Zoe from China.

It was awesome!

Then Zoe died.

It was awful!

Merry Christmas.

Obviously there were many amazing things God did in our family as a whole and with each of us, individually. But in keeping with that whole transparency vibe, this is the overshadowing reality and reaction when I think about 2013.

There is so much that has happened since I last chatted with you all…confessions I intended to share…health updates for the little man…and life at the Carr Castle. I’ll spend moments catching you up, as I’m able.

One of the notable updates would be my attempt to try and clean up my act, health-wise…which included taking a hiatus from my faithful friends, Diet Dr. Pepper and peanut butter! I know…I know…moment of silence. No, I don’t feel any better after being off of it…yes, I fully intend to have them whenever the urge hits! No convert here. The reason this is relevant is that I lost my super woman ability to stay up late…like past 8 pm. For real. And since I usually blogged at midnight…well, you see the problem.  So what do you do when you’re no longer a night owl? God puts your oldest child back in swimming, and you find yourself at the dreaded swim meet...you know the 5 hour event where your child actively participates for 5 minutes?!? Yea.

It’ll be nice catching up with you.